A Trip to the Zoo
by Merciful Heavens
Summary: A class from Hogwarts is going on a field trip to a muggle zoo...with no magic much to the chagrin of their professors. Will they all make it home alive? Maybe not between Albus' driving and hot dogs. MMAD- AU and humorous
1. Chapter 1

S**ummary- a third year class is going on a field trip to a Muggle Zoo and their chaperones just happen to be Professors McGonagall, Snape and Dumbledore. It's bad enough that it's a class of rebellious teenagers but Dumbledore enforces a rule for this field trip: no magic. Can the students survive without magic? Or better yet, can McGonagall and Snape?**

A**uthor's note—This is a breather from Mothering Secretly. Yes, I am still writing that one and would encourage you to review it if you happen to read it. It's had over 5000 hits so I know most of my readers either do not know how to review or are to inert to type a few words…thanks for reading it anyway. Back to this story…sorry about the bunny trail…here it is please enjoy it…keep in mind that this is a funny AU story that doesn't follow any timeline and is just random fun…**

D**isclaimer: I do not own HP and really neither does JKR as she ruined characters that many people greatly liked…cheers to those authors who have succeeded in not ruining their characters to get a little publicity…Tolkien, Lewis, Austen, Eliot, and the list goes on…I am rambling now so on to the story…**

_Chapter I_

_Winning Over McGonagall_

The class sat in their chairs not so patiently dreading the arrival of their strict but nonetheless good professor. Enchanted quills were scribbling notes that were being passed from one silently giggling girl to the next and many students sighed and dreamily gazed off into space. Several boys were whispering about a prank that they planned on doing against an unsuspecting fellow student and more than one charmed paper airplane flew in slow circles around the room.

It was the epitome of a class of average teenagers.

A rapping on the desk in front caused most of the student body to face the front but many continued to play, talk and giggle. Those who had been fortunate enough to notice their transfiguration professor enter the classroom sat up in their chairs and were immediately silent.

"Mr. Potter, kindly remind Mr. Weasley that this is his transfiguration class not charms." Ronald Weasley just happened to the only student left who was keeping the paper airplanes circling above the class. Professor McGonagall's voice, which was unmistakable due to its Scottish lilt, caused the remaining class members to be silent.

Harry leaned over and whispered to Ron to stop the airplanes. With cheeks flushing red with embarrassment at just noticing McGonagall, the red head dropped his wand. Finally rolling her eyes, Hermione whispered the counter charm for the airplanes and they ceased their delicate loops.

"Now, class. The Headmaster has an announcement to make and I expect you to pay close attention." The professor glanced over toward the doorway and the students watched as the Headmaster entered with a sour looking Professor Snape in tow.

"Students, today is known as field day. Your class will be going on a field trip to a Muggle Zoo." He paused as the murmur of voices came from the students and then continued. "Many of you are muggleborn so you know what a zoo is. But for those who don't…a zoo is a place that muggles keep their muggle animals. Like lions, bears, anteaters and zebras." He smiled, as the class seemed quite happy about the prospect of going to the zoo.

"The field trip will be used to help you pick an animal that you wish to write a research paper on." Professor McGonagall added, causing moans to ripple through the room. "Now, the following list is essentials for this trip and you must pay attention. Mr. Potter do not point your wand at Mr. Malfoy's head." The class roared at the look on Draco Malfoy's face and it took several minutes for them to calm down.

"Pay attention to the list, class!" Snape thundered, silencing the giggly teenagers immediately. Professor McGonagall threw him a silent thank you before continuing.

"A bag per student, a notebook for taking notes about animals, muggle clothing, and…"

"No wands!" Dumbledore interjected, causing both Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape to stare at him. "So very sorry, my dear. But to make it a full muggle experience, nothing magical will be going on the trip, including transportation. I intend to travel in a bus I had Aberforth rent for us." He popped a lemon drop into his mouth as if to end his sentence.

A pin could have dropped and been heard all the way to Hagrid's hut. McGonagall stood with her eyes wide in horror while the students had their mouths open. Suddenly as though they had waited for an off stage cue, the students all began to talk and whisper.

"No magic with a class of third years, Headmaster?" Snape said disbelievingly his eyes wide with disturbing visions of what was to come. "You can't be serious!"

Dumbledore smile widened and he nodded.

"I am serious, Severus and I think it will be a good experience for the students."

"Albus, it may be a good experience for the students, but what about us!" McGonagall sounded ill with dread.

"No need to fear, my good professors. I am sure everything will go just fine."

2 hours later--

Professor Minerva McGonagall had done many things in her life, but nothing compared to what she about to undertake. There in front of her sat a large grey and yellow bus decorated with purple streamers that Dumbledore had found the best thing that the bus had. Students were filing into it and taking their seats; laughing and talking as if they were simply sitting down to eat in the Great Hall. Only a few students looked nervous about the odd looking bus and even they seemed to be willing to try it out for the fun of it.

Professor Snape nodded as the last students boarded the bus and turned to Minerva.

"They are all in," he announced somewhat stiffly. He was wearing a perfectly horrid shirt that Albus had given him to wear as part of his muggle apparel and was obviously not enjoying it. That added to his usual attitude and a pair of somewhat stiff jeans, Severus Snape was no happy camper.

"Why do muggles wear such things?" Snape asked her, gesturing down at his clothing. The bright tye die shirt he wore was yellow and green, which reflected the light terribly. Minerva couldn't remember ever seeing a worse shirt on anyone other than Albus Dumbledore, who had an unhealthy obsession with the most unfashionable clothing.

"All ready?" asked Dumbledore from behind the two professors. They both turned slowly to prepare themselves for the shock they knew they would receive. Sure enough the esteemed Headmaster was dressed in clothes that made Severus look fit for a ball. A Hawaiian shirt covered with pineapples and palm trees covered his torso as the green of the trees and the yellow of the fruit contrasted brightly with the red of the background. Words were written across the chest of the shirt and from what Minerva could make out stated "Microcerebrum Possessor" which caused her to smile. Only Dumbledore could wear a shirt that said he was an idiot with as much pride as a Merlin Honor robe.

Underneath the hem of the wacky shirt was a pair of orange and purple shorts that completed the outfit making Albus look like a lost Marsian from Jupiter. Minerva's eyes soon hurt from glancing at the outfit and she turned away. Severus was hooked however on the shirt and his mouth had fallen open.

"Headmaster!" he managed. "You can't go out in public dressed like that." Dumbledore looked confused as he pulled a pink baseball cap on over his hair. He had charmed it to appear short for the day and his beard was also greatly reduced in length.

"Why not?" He exclaimed smiling good-naturally. "You are." And nothing the two professors said afterward could convince the man to change.

Severus folded his arms as he boarded the bus just after losing the argument with Dumbledore and plopped into an empty seat near the front of the bus. Turning his head so he couldn't see Dumbledore eye-popping outfit or his own terrible ensemble, he noticed that Minerva had let to board the bus or even change out of her tartan green robes and pointed witches hat. Jealousy raced through him as he noted that she had no intention of changing and would be able to convince Dumbledore to leave her behind.

Albus could not possibly imagine what his deputy was thinking. She had not changed, had not boarded the bus and her wand was gripped firmly in her hand. Either she had plans to take over and become Headmistress or she had no intention of joining the field trip. He severely doubted the first so that left only one option.

"Minerva." He said softly, pointing at her hat. "You haven't changed yet." He let the "yet" hang in the air as a hopeful gesture that she had plans to change.

"No I haven't and I will not be either." She assured him, her mouth setting into a thin line that warned him not to argue. He planted his feet firmly on the ground and prepared himself for the battle of the century.

Harry Potter yawned as he leaned against the bus windowpane. They had yet to leave the school and the students were becoming restless. Professor Snape had discouraged any roughhousing with several well-aimed glares and most of the students were talking softly or playing various games that they had smuggled aboard the bus. Ron was fast asleep in the seat next to Harry and a bit of drool was hanging from his mouth. Hermione was deeply entranced in a book she had brought and Harry didn't really want to lean over and read the cover to know what it was.

Suddenly he and several other students noticed that Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore were arguing back and forth with a great deal of volume. Harry pushed the window open a bit and tried to listen in on the fight. From what he could hear it was obvious that McGonagall had no intention of taking the field trip and Dumbledore had no intention of leaving her behind. He chuckled softly to himself as Dumbledore called her a "scaredy cat" and bet she couldn't survive one day without magic.

It was a humorous picture of McGonagall without her usual robes dressed in something muggle sitting in a bus, but Harry figured that if Dumbledore could defeat Grindleward and be the Headmaster of Hogwarts, he could force one Scottish woman to change her clothing.

"Get a load of Dumbledore's shorts!" Ron shouted, pointing at the man. Harry nodded and joined in the laughter that was circulating from the Headmaster's garments.

"He looked like an idiot." Snorted Draco, from the seat across from the trio's. Both Ron and Harry turned to face him.

"He does not!" Ron protested, defending the beloved Headmaster. "You just wish you had taste like his." Ron finished with an immature gesture of sticking out his tongue, which caused Draco to stand up.

"You little toad! Keep your tongue inside your mouth or I'll rip it out!" Professor Snape was now making his way toward the two boys and Draco's words caused him to scowl deeper.

"Mr. Malfoy, take you seat. Weasley sit down!" He happily noted that both boys instantly obeyed and turned to regain his seat. A Slytherin whose name slipped his mind addressed him though.

"Professor, why aren't we going?" she asked softly. Snape glared at her but softened it slightly when she looked close to tears.

"Our Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress are having a debate on fashion and since you are a girl I am sure that you understand how time consuming that can be." Laughter exploded through the bus as the students heard him and he suddenly wished he had joined the two professor's debate.

Finally the bus doors opened again and Dumbledore entered with the key hanging from his wand hand.

"I was victorious!" He exclaimed, earning the applause of the assembled students. With a low bow, Dumbledore sat down behind the wheel and inserted the key into the ignition; Snape swallowed hard as he hoped he would live to regret this trip and crossed his fingers.

The bus roared to life, causing several more sensitive students to scream. But Dumbledore assured them all that it was a normal thing for a muggle vehicle to do.

"Now we just wait a while for Minerva, and off we go!"

"Oh joy!" the Slytherin Head of House muttered.

Hermione had missed out on most of the fun since she had been imbedded so deeply into her book; however she did not miss out on the chance to see Professor Hooch drag Professor McGonagall toward the bus. McGonagall was transformed, to say the least and she dropped her book out of surprise. The crash her falling book caused most of the students to look up and soon they were all staring at their transfiguration professor.

Rolanda Hooch had done a marvelous job at turning the witch into a muggle and on the way had also managed to turn the professor into a woman, which was no small feat in itself. Professor McGonagall was wearing a lovely lavender summer dress that dropped down decently to mid calf and spread out to form wings at her elbows. It clearly showed off a figure that no one on the bus had ever imagined the woman having and did a wonderful job at making it look perfect but at the same time not seductive.

Her hair cascaded down her back in perfect waves and a clip held it elegantly back from her face. Her eyewear had been removed and replaced with smaller glasses that gave her a more gracious appearance. All in all she looked heavenly, that was except for the daggers her eyes were shooting at Hooch and the frown that was firmly etched into her face where a smile would have most welcome.

Hooch dragged her up to the bus door and signaled for Dumbledore to open them, which he did; then she shoved the woman in and shut the doors with a flick of her wand. Finally the last person needed to send them on their way was on the packed bus and they could now leave. However fate has a sense of humor and it seemed that Dumbledore did not know how to drive well enough to make it a boring trip.

The students and professors sat in their seatbelt less seats holding on for dear life as the crazy man behind the steering wheel sped them around corner after corner and through road lights shouting, "Almost got me, Red Light!" Professor Snape was looking a bit green due to carsickness and Professor McGonagall's eyes were tightly closed and she looked more than a bit pale. Two other students were carsick as well, but other than the four everyone else was shouting for joy at the exhilarating ride.

The bus lurched to a halt as Dumbledore slammed on the brakes sending everyone flying from their seats. Turning slightly the guilty driver called a brief "Sorry!" over his shoulder before roaring off again. Professor Snape didn't move from his position on the floor and decided then and there that he got car sick and never wanted to ride in a vehicle of transportation other than the Floo system again. From the appearance of things Professor McGonagall agreed with him with all her heart.

"This is so much fun!" Ron shouted as Harry and Hermione sat back down in their seat and smoothed down their fluffed hair and collars. Hermione nodded, but her smile just about split her face.

"Yeah, Another curve everyone!" Harry shouted, getting ready to let the bus throw him to the other side of the bus. "It's a loooonnnggg one!" Cheers and whooping erupted from the overjoyed students as the bus began to round the curve and for the hundredth time that day all the seat's occupants were tossed to the floor.

"This is going to be a long day!" Snape moaned. McGonagall shook her head in agreement as the bus came to a halt and "powered down".

"We're here!" Albus shouted. "That wasn't too bad was it?" he asked helping a very carsick, dizzy and disheveled transfiguration professor to her feet. If looks could kill, Dumbledore would have been six feet under, dead and buried.

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	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

_The Zoo_

It took a good thirty minutes to calm all the students down and get everyone looking normal again. The carsick children were fine after a bit of sunshine and some water but the professors looked like the dieing undead. Professor McGonagall had straightened herself and fashionably looked wonderful; physically she looked half dead and Snape, well, since he usually looked dead it was hard to see any difference in his appearance save for a greenish tint to his skin, but then again that could have been because of his shirt.

"Is everyone set?" Dumbledore asked. A chorus of yes's and a single no answered him. Ignoring Snape's pestilential answer, Dumbledore smiled and began dividing the group into two groups. "This group will be Professor Snape's team and this group will be Professor McGonagall. Whichever team at the end of the day has the most information on animals, written or orally, gets five hundred house points!" Snape and McGonagall immediately began protesting the large number, but Dumbledore waved them off. "Now lets get going."

The two groups moved off down the paved driveway and approached the first pen. (Apparently one of the lurches to the side had been to pay for their entrance into the zoo.) McGonagall's team ohh'ed and ahh'ed at the lions in the large pen, but Snape's team was quickly ushered on by a less-than-happy Snape.

"Wow! Those lions are huge!" Harry exclaimed pointing at one of the larger males. Ron yawned and nodded. Hermione was busy scribbling notes down from the information plaque in front of the pen, so naturally she just nodded.

"What are you going to write on?" asked Harry as they followed McGonagall further into the zoo.

Ron shrugged.

"I wanted to do a Hippogriff, but I guess it has to be muggle. Maybe a lion or a bear."

"How about a snake?" Draco sneered, coming out of nowhere and pointing over at where the rest of his group was. The Reptile House had an eerie look to it and the boys shuddered.

"Mr. Malfoy!" Professor McGonagall stated, saving the day. "A Gryffindor student will write a paper on snakes when a Slytherin writes one on how to treat people properly. Now return to your own group, Mr. Malfoy."

"Sorry, Professor. I was just offering them a bit of friendly advice. Snakes make wonderful paper topics."

"I am sure they do. However, Mr. Malfoy that is no reason to try and scare your fellow classmates." Professor McGonagall's mouth was set in the thinnest of lines and Draco swallowed before shuffling off to join his group.

"Thanks, Professor." Harry muttered. Professor McGonagall turned to him.

"What for, Mr. Potter?"

"Getting rid of Malfoy. I was getting ready to sock em." Harry stated nonchalantly. McGonagall's eyebrows went skyward but Dumbledore halted her coming lecture.

"Minerva did you see those beautiful white tigers? They are some of the most marvelous creatures I have ever seen; second only to the domesticated feline, of course." He winked at her and she blushed slightly.

"Yes, Albus. I did see the tigers and I would appreciate if you stopped comparing animals to the cat." Pleasure sparkled in her eyes despite what she said and Albus knew she enjoyed his mild flirting.

Harry and Ron, however, had had quite enough adult "romance" and began searching for another animal they could steer Hermione over to. Hyenas were next and so the group drifted over that way.

"That one sounds like Draco." Ron laughed, singling out the worst sounding hyena.

"Looks like him too." Harry agreed. Even Hermione smiled at the fact that sad to say it did look a lot like Draco.

"All right. I've got the information for the lions, brown bears, black bears, white tigers, Bengal tigers, cheetah, and the hyenas." Hermione sighed and pushed her hair back over her shoulder.

"Is that enough?" Ron asked, peering over her shoulder at the notepad. She instantly shook her head.

"No. We'll need a lot more. Including the reptiles." She began to walk over toward the Reptile House, but the boys stepped in front of her.

"They didn't see the animals we saw." Ron whined. "Can't we skip theirs?"

Hermione frowned.

"Ron! If we do the same thing they do then we'll tie. If we get all the animals then we have an advantage." This seemed to help Ron, though it did nothing to resolve his fear of snakes.

"You could stay out here if you want." Harry suggested. "Hermione can go in by herself and I'll stay with you." To anyone who didn't know him, it appeared to be a friendly gesture to help a friend. But like Ron, Harry didn't really like snakes either and he had no desire to go into a room full of them and other snakelike animals.

"Fine, do what you want. But the arctic animals are connected to the reptile house and you have to go through one to get to the other." Hermione smirked as the boys looked torn.

"Great! I wanted to see the penguins." Ron exclaimed unhappily.

"What is it, Mr. Weasley?" Professor McGonagall asked, concerned. She had heard him whine about something and figured it was serious.

"Um…nothing, Professor." Harry stammered. "Ron just didn't want to go into the Reptile House."

McGonagall fixed him with a steely glare.

"Then he needn't go in there, Mr. Potter. We will not be going in there anyway."

"But I wanted to see the penguins." Ron said, forgetting he was speaking to McGonagall. "Please let us go in!"

"Under no circumstances, Mr. Weasley. And that is that!"

**Moments later--**

"It sure was nice of the Headmaster to convince Professor McGonagall into letting us come in here, wasn't it?" Hermione stated, busily scribbling down notes on a large iguana.

"Yeah. I wonder why she didn't want us in here though. We're old enough to not wet our pants or anything like that." Harry commented, leading Ron along. He had covered his eyes with his hands and refused to look until they were "safely" into the Artic House.

Just then someone yelled, "Loose Cobra!" and chaos reigned over the reptile house. With Ron screaming bloody murder and Hermione trying to get a look at it, Harry was the only one left to drag them from the house. He had almost hurried his friends out the door when he noticed that Draco Malfoy and his goons were all snickering in the corner. Obviously they had yelled and no snake was loose.

Slapping Ron a few times, Hermione and Harry finally got him to stop screaming and explained to him that no snake was loose. He breathed a sigh of relief; though it was obvious he was still wary, and allowed Harry to begin leading him toward the arctic house again.

Meanwhile, Albus Dumbledore was having a blast just outside of the Reptile House. His longtime friend and deputy, Minerva McGonagall had fainted dead away upon hearing about the "escaped" snake and had gracefully fallen into his arms. It didn't get much better then that.

Feeling a bit self-conscious as no one else in the zoo had an unconscious woman in their arms, Albus picked her up and entered the Reptile House. He had brought his wand along in case of an emergency and this just happened to be one. Casting a quick energizing charm, Albus watched as Minerva's eyes flickered open. Immediately her hands clutched the front of his shirt and her eyes darted around the room looking for the snake.

"There, there." Albus soothed, rubbing her back. He had lifted her to her feet and made sure that they were carefully hidden behind a large pillar. "There was no snake, Minerva. Someone just panicked." He half thought about telling her that Draco Malfoy had indeed been playing a prank on the trio, but decided against it. Obviously Minerva was terrified of snakes and he didn't want young Draco, Malfoy though he was, to be expelled, or worse.

"You're certain?" Minerva asked tentatively, still glancing around her feet. Albus shook his head to assure her and smiled. He would never let her hear the end of this one. Finally he had literally caught a reason to tease her and the prospects were tantalizingly good.

"Shall we pursue our group?" Albus asked, offering her his arm. She accepted his offer without a word and the two of them made their way into the Artic House.

Ron pressed his nose up against the glass of the penguin pen and wished absently that he could see the furry birds better. The glass wall separated viewers from viewed by a good five meters.

"All right, I'm ready for the next one." Hermione stated already making her way to the next exhibit. Ron and Harry ignored her.

"Do you think they put the wall so far away to annoy us?" Ron asked, squinting into the pen. "I can't even see the ones in the swimming hole. Only that old one on the hill." Harry shrugged and stood up on his tiptoes.

"Hey, Ron! If you stand a bit back and go on your tiptoes, you can see the pond!" He shouted. Ron hastened to try it out and soon both boys were waving back and forth on their tiptoes a good meter from the glass. Oblivious to the strange looks that muggles and their own classmates were giving them, they laughed and pointed out one penguin with a pointed beak.

"Ron! Harry! What are you doing?" Hermione asked, hands firmly planted on her hips. Both boys ignored her and took another step back. However that step back caused Ron to slip on a melted ice cream cone that had not been cleaned up yet and he grabbed Harry to keep from falling. Since he was on his tiptoes and very unbalanced, Ron's sudden weight pulled Harry down as well and they both fell and slid off the raised sidewalk. It was a half a meter drop to the ground and both boys felt its cement floor before they even realized they had fallen.

"Ouch!" Ron groaned untangling himself from his friend. He looked up to find Hermione laughing down at him from the sidewalk and immediately became red faced.

"Are you hurt, Mr. Potter? Mr. Weasley?" Professor McGonagall asked, appearing out of nowhere (not literally). Both boys nodded that they were, but accepted her hand to help them up. Ron still had ice cream on his shoe however, and as he went to stand his foot slipped and he flipped backward to lay on his back taking McGonagall with him. Thankfully she caught herself inches above his body and was lifted up before Ron could have been crushed. Although not a heavy woman, she still weighed more than he happened to weigh.

"Well, Mr. Weasley. It appears as though you might want to clean off your shoe." Dumbledore stated, cheerfully. He had gladly pulled his deputy off Ron and now helped the boy to his feet and braced him as he cleaned off his shoe with a tissue McGonagall handed to him. So far the field trip had been nothing if not a disaster; still there was still a lot left of it to see.

An hour later-

It was lunchtime and the two teams met at the one of the zoo's food courts to eat. Ironically the Head of Houses had no idea what to order their students and found themselves listening to all sorts of descriptions of muggle food.

"Hamburgers are good!" Chimed a Hufflepuff.

"But they have Mexican food!" Whined another student, pointing Professor Snape toward a taco stand. The man visibly gulped and shook his head in a silent "no".

Professor McGonagall sighed as at least ten chattering students began telling her different muggle delicacies and wished she had never woke up that morning. She glanced over to see if Albus would help her to find him already ordering himself something called a "Hot Dog". _Sounds innocent enough, _she thought wearily. Turning back to her "starving" students, she motioned for silence.

"How do hot dogs sound?" at first the students just stared at her. It sounded strange to hear their serious professor say Hot Dog, but since none of them had anything against the idea of wrapped pig intestines in an artificially enhanced bun smeared with glorious ketchup they all nodded.

And so while Professor McGonagall's team was all happily eating hot dogs; Professor Snape's team was still trying to decide between elephant ears and cotton candy.

Albus was delighted by Minerva's choice of food and made a point on telling her so. She only smiled and politely declined a lemon drop.

"Aren't you going to try a hog dog?" Albus asked. He had finished his lunch and feeling a bit low on sugar had just purchased an ice cream cone for himself and all of the children.

"I suppose I should." Minerva sighed and picked up the hot dog that she had bought for herself. A Hufflepuff had kindly offered to put condiments on the hot dog for her and she now realized that the girl had a bit of an obsession with squeezing bottles too tightly as her hot dog was so covered with every known condiment that it was nigh on to impossible to identify.

Albus gasped when she uncovered the suffocating meal and hurriedly asked she what had happened to her hot dog.

"I let a student dress it for me." She murmured, wondering where the drowning meat was underneath the tide of ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard and salad dressing that covered it. With several good wipes of a napkin she could have been able to identity the cylinder rod of meat but her appetite was going faster than her patience.

"I'll get you another one. You can't eat that." Albus offered. She thanked him and rose to throw out the ruined hot dog. Never one to waste food, Minerva dropped it into the recycling bin.

"Here you go!" Albus said, placing a hot dog in front of her. It had a thin layer of mustard and ketchup on it and looked better than the one it had replaced.

Picking it up, which was something Minerva found most uncouth; she took a small bite. The look on her face was one of sheer disgust and Albus had to bit his lip to keep from laughing. Many students who were watching their professor lacked his self control and began roaring. Five minutes later another hot dog joined the first in the recycling bin.

Please...review...and thank you so very much_ SylviaDragon _for reviewing


	3. Chapter 3

Thirty minutes later--

"Teams, we have seen enough of the zoo to give everyone an animal to write a report on. Now for notes. Team 1, how many animals do you have notes for?" Dumbledore asked. Hermione pulled her notebook out and quickly counted the notes.

"89 animals, sir." She announced excitedly. Her team members clapped for joy and cast glares over to the other team as if to dare them to beat them.

"Team 2?"

Severus pulled out the notebook some of his students had been using and glanced at the total of notes that had been written.

"80." Groans echoed through his group as everyone present knew why Team 1 had had several more animal than Team 2, Professor Snape had refused to allow notes to be taken on the lions or other cats.

"500 hundred points to Team 1! Which means each student earned 50 points for their house. Good job!" The students cheered as there had been more Gryffindors than any other house in Team 1 and all of the Slytherins had been in Team 2.

"Now to the bus!" The Headmaster ran toward the bus and the students followed him, enjoying the chance to run. However, neither Professor Snape nor Professor McGonagall ran and therefore they were left to walk together.

"Congratulations on your victory. Who'd of thought that you would have snuck into the Reptile House." Snape sneered, folding his arms. In his strange shirt it was hard to take him seriously but McGonagall had years of experience.

"I beg your pardon! "Snuck in!" If you had taken notes on lions and tigers you might have won. It's not my fault that you are too obstinate to think of lions as anything other than my house's mascot." Snape stopped dead in his tracks (no pun intended) and glared down at Minerva.

"I did not view the lions and other mangy cats as your house's mascots." He said bitterly. Minerva smirked.

"I'm sure that was the furthest thing from your mind. Pray tell then, why did you not take notes on the lions?" Severus said nothing and Minerva knew she had him.

"Touché." Snape hissed, stomping off toward the bus. Minerva hurried after him feeling quite pleased with herself.

After a quick head count, the students began piling into the purple streamered bus. Most of the Slytherins were quite high on sugar, as they had eaten elephant ears; ice cream and cotton candy for lunch; and most of them chatted away like beavers.

"Are you sure that's everyone?" Professor McGonagall asked, peering into the bus. Dumbledore nodded and patted his deputy on the shoulder.

"Don't worry so much, Tabby. There're all here." Then turning to the children he shouted. "Ready to go back to Hogwarts?" A loud rambunctious chorus of "yes's" rang through the bus and even Severus Snape had voiced a yes, though it had been said in the spirit of getting back to his damp dark dungeons.

"All right then!" Albus climbed into the bus and went to slide into the driver's seat. But just before his bottom made contact with the seat, Professor McGonagall shouted.

"Stop!"

Not used to his dear friend screaming at him, Dumbledore climbed out of the seat and faced her.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, worry lacing his words.

"I refuse to allow you to drive us back to Hogwarts." She stated. Severus nodded vigorously behind her and even some of the students agreed.

"Oh come on!" Ron exclaimed. "It was fun." but one glare from Snape silenced him.

Dumbledore shrugged.

"All right. Someone else drive then. Are you game, Minerva?" It was then that the whole group of students began to worry, as Professor McGonagall, who had never driven a car before in her life, slipped into the control seat. Dumbledore, of course, quickly explained what each little gadget did, but even Snape began to grip the seat as she requested to know what one did with the pedals on the floor.

Soon the whole class had had a good lesson on how to drive a bus and they all hoped that McGonagall was a quick study.

The bus came to life with a soft rumble as Minerva had obstinately refused to let it roar to life and slowly it began to inch its way down the entranceway of the zoo. After several minutes had passed and it became obvious that the professor was driving quite well for her first time and had no intention of crashing and killing them all; the students relaxed. However just as they began to smile and talk to each other, Professor McGonagall left the zoo and turned to go onto the road. It was then that Dumbledore realized that he had forgotten to tell her about which side of the road to drive on.

So there the bus was, slowly threading its way through traffic going the right direction on the wrong road. Dumbledore didn't have the heart to tell the poor woman behind the wheel that she was indeed going on the wrong side of the road and breathed a sigh of relief as she quickly caught on and steered them over to the proper lane. A collective sigh erupted from the students and Severus muttered something about why they hadn't apparated was beyond him.

"Obviously the street is divided, Albus." Minerva stated. Albus nodded that it was and sat down behind her, next to Snape.

"Minerva's doing wonderful for her first time isn't she?" he remarked, hoping to cheer up the green-with-dread professor. Snape just folded his arms and snorted. Secretly he was impressed with the Deputy Headmistress's ability to learn so quickly and was more than thrilled that she was going at what seemed like a suitable speed.

"If McGonagall doesn't speed up a bit, we'll get back to the school tomorrow night!" Ron whined, folding his arms. Hermione sent him a withering glare and returned to her book, while Harry nodded in agreement.

"Well, I doubt she's ever driven before. Besides, do we really want to hurry back to the school?" Ron sat up with renewed vigor.

"Hey! I never thought of that one. Take your time, Professor!" Several students snickered at Ron's comment, but thankfully it never reached the said driver's ears.

Suddenly the bus slowed down and stopped; dead in the middle of the road. Cars sped by on either side of the large bus but it simply froze. Minerva turned to Albus who was already playing with the variety of knobs and buttons by the steering wheel.

"What happened to it?" she requested to know. He shrugged and twisted a knob that turned the radio, which had been on but turned way down, up to a volume that forced everyone to cover their ears as "_Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds_" blared through the bus. Immediately Albus turned the little knob to turn it off but the volume only increased. Finally, Hermione, who was muggle born and had experience with cars and car radios, made her way to the front of the bus and turned off the music.

Albus beamed as the music faded away and sighed.

"Thank you very much, Ms. Granger." Then in a whisper he asked. "Do you know anything about buses?" Hermione shook her head indicating she knew nothing about buses and turned back to return to her seat. Suddenly out of the corner of her eye, she noticed that the gas meter was on empty.

"Professor McGonagall." she said, addressing the woman.

"Yes, Ms. Granger?" Minerva asked hopefully.

"There's no gas in the bus." It took the professor a full minute to register what Hermione had meant, but when it clicked Minerva's glare cut right through the glass that made up the windowpane behind Albus.

"You didn't put gas in it?" she exclaimed. The students by that time were roaring with laughter.

"Oh! It's not that big of a deal, Minerva. We'll just push it over to the nearest gas station."

And so Albus, Severus, Ron, Harry, Draco and a few other boys found themselves pushing the bus down the road. Thankfully, Dumbledore had used a bit of magic to make the bus lose a bit of its immense weight and it easily slid on down the road. Within an hour they had reached the gas station and all of them, except the sugar high Draco and the forever-happy Albus, were exhausted. The gas station attendants hurried over to help them bring the bus over to the gas pumps and within seconds had it full and ready to go again.

After paying the extremely friendly and helpful gas station attendants, Albus pulled the bus over to the snack shop by the toilets and handed out money to each student with which they could buy a snack and a drink. Happily the students all filed out of the bus and into the store, leaving their three professors to watch them from the bus.

"I'm tired." Severus exclaimed, rubbing his sore arms. Pushing a bus for an hour causes things like sore arms and sore backs.

"Maybe you should go in and get something to eat." Albus suggested. Snape nodded and accepted the money the Headmaster held out to him.

"What about you, Minerva?" Albus asked. She shook her head.

"I don't need anything, Albus." His eyebrows raised.

"You didn't eat your hot dog." He reminded. Minerva shuddered at the mention of the dreaded meal and her stomach did a little somersault. Albus noticed she looked a bit pale at his mentioning the hot dog and so he helped her to sit down.

"If you don't mind me asking, my dear. Why did you throw it out in the recycling bin?" Minerva looked slightly confused.

"I didn't want to waste it. I'm sure someone else would like it." Albus bit his lip, hard, to keep from laughing.

"How thoughtful of you, my dear." He stated as seriously as he could.

Minerva smiled as she noticed how happy the students seemed to be in the snack shop and unconsciously leaned back against Albus, who of course smiled. Suddenly she realized what she had done and jumped up. The sudden action caused Albus to jump up as well and he accidentally knocked into her, pushing her out of the bus. It was then that Minerva suddenly realized that pretending to be a muggle was uncouthly upsetting as she could not change into her animagus form and land on her feet. But before she reached the ground, she learned that muggles had much more wonderful means of saving people than with magic. Albus caught her. Sure it was for the second time that day, and sure it was since he had clumsily knocked her from the bus; but the silent moment when he held her much too close for a friendly hug and much too long was pure heaven.

The moment all evaporated as he set her down on her own two feet and apologized. She smiled slightly and thanked him for catching her and they resumed their watch on their students as though no incident had ever occurred.

About an hour later—

"…bottles of Coke on the wall

2 bottles of Coke

Take one down, pass it around

1 bottle of Coke on the wall!"

Annoyingly the whole student body had been singing the song since they had all discovered the combination of soda pop and chocolate; Albus of course, had been more than delighted to join in. So a very tired, cheerful and annoyed group of people arrived at Hogwarts having spent an entire day muggle style.

Minerva McGonagall dragged herself to her rooms, ignoring the questions Rolanda and Pomona threw at her and shut the door behind her. Silence was a welcome change and she fell asleep as soon as she shut the door.

Albus had to help Severus Snape to his room as he had drank way to many bottles of a pop called Coca-Cola. After making sure the very grumpy man was safely in his room and away from the students he would doubtless terrorize, Albus decided to check up on his Deputy who had sent her Gryffindors off to bed in absolute silence and hadn't even wished him a good night. Of course he had to stop off in the infirmary before going to see her as almost all the Slytherin's who had gone on the field trip were in there with severe stomach aches from their unusually sweet lunch and snack.

Since the students were all asleep in the infirmary the stop was a very quick one, and within moments Albus was on his way to Minerva's rooms. He knocked several times and was just about to assume she was already asleep in bed, when he noticed her door was open a crack. Since Minerva was not a person who left her door open, Albus decided to investigate. Pushing the door open and entering the room, Albus gasped as he found Minerva a mere meter from the door.

Scooping her up into his arms, for the third time that day, Albus laid her on the couch and transfigured her dress into a nightgown. She yawned and opened her eyes then and smiled up at him. It was then that Albus took his Gryffindor courage by the collar and leaned down to face her. He paused briefly and then he kissed her.

Minerva sighed as he pulled away from her and reached out to touch his face. Albus smiled, realizing she had enjoyed the brief but loving kiss they had just shared.

"What took you so long?" she asked, her hand playing with his beard. Albus' mouth dropped open and Minerva giggled.

"Well, I suppose I always figured Gryffindor's Head of House was a lady." Albus teased. She crossed her arms over her chest and mock pouted.

"Albus Dumbledore! Are you implying what I think you are?" He smiled a mischievous grin and wiggled his bushy eyebrows up and down, causing her to laugh.

"Oh! My dear, you are a lady in every sense of the word. A woman of refined family background and upbringing. A woman who behaves very politely and with dignity." He paused as if trying to remember another definition of the word. "A man's wife or usual woman companion." Minerva smiled shyly.

"Which am I?" she whispered. Albus chuckled and pulled her into his embrace.

"Forever you are the woman who, in medieval Europe was a powerful land owner with authority over an area or castle." Minerva hit him playfully in the arm, cutting him off and he pulled her up to kiss her again.

"Minerva, you are of course my wife before my owner."

Minerva rolled her eyes and sat up in his lap.

"Oh, no, Albus. First and foremost I am the designated driver." Laughter filled the air as the lord and lady of Hogwarts began what was going to be a pleasant night.

**AN--surprised you didn't I? Yes, they are married…just too in love to act married in public…So please review…and in case anyone was wondering, the definitions for 'lady' are really what Albus said…I actually used a dictionary…don't tell anyone )**

**Blame any mistakes on my complete lack of sleep…**


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